I am taking selfies and then painting them as a study of SELF. This is a study I am undertaking as I continue to journey through Mandala Magic with Julie Gibbons. I am taking photos of myself, creating interesting “filters” that share a mood I might be going through (using the Enlight app) and then I am painting that “selfie” image as a self-portrait in acrylic.
I am noticing many interesting things as I move through this process. One of the BIG ones is this “Should I continue to post images of myself on the internet? What is the purpose of sharing this personal work?” Lots of issues around the SELF out there in the greater world. I will speak to this more in a bit.
Right now, I will share the first four paintings I have created and will add in the journal writings that have accompanied them. This is giving me an interesting perspective into my SELF, my painting and the mixing of the two.
- Alien-Bug- Anger at having to be held back. Exposing my views is vulnerable. When I do speak out my angry side shows. Others do not wish to see this. They find it upsetting and they tell me so. She can be ugly…and God-forbid we ever show our ugly, dark sides! But she is hugely empowering. To hold on to this mode of emotion/energy (which is not all anger alone) and to keep this strength…to move through situations is tricky for me. I want to back down…to prove I am “nice” again…pretty and complacent. Oh boy. Hold on to Alien-Bug woman and use her strength to speak my truth.
2. Underwater-Blue selfie-where I do my best thinking surrounded by water. Being enveloped by water and held by “emotion” the feelings and issues are allowed to move out as I move through the water. Slow out air, blow out the emotions. Becoming a different weight…part of water and the earth. Transforming into a different realm, one with my tribe my deeper earth mother. When people fail me or I fail myself this is my refuge. My God.
3. Third Eye-sending out positive energy working to help others. Needing to sit in the calm place and radiate out my good energy However, this one feels a bit false (as a selfie) pat and over-used; no real deeper meaning other than this looks cool, However, I remember that the face is over laying an image I took of the full moon. The reflected light is the moon energy. Will others see this as a false guide? Perhaps this image is most telling because I feel like a spiritual body yet this is presumptuous the “who do you think you are?” image.
4. Fragmented self portrait- sort of made me sick to my stomach looking at the final painting of this one. The eyes look like mine. The fractured features and stern line of the mouth make me feel constricted. Sort of like everything that is happening “to” me and I am working to hold it all together. Sternness will not hold things together, I have found. Big eyes are also a sign of attempting to keep things held in. This image is strong in my psyche. Needing to let go into the fractured parts and see what I will see.
The back and forth between playing with digital photos and filters AND painting what I see has shown me many layers. Some of my SELF (my psyche) and some of the skills of painting (in which I have no formal training). Lots of layers here to explore.
This is also exhausting emotional work. I am going to keep creating these selfies/paintings until I have 12. I will take a break for a few days to rest up from the energy that is exuded. Very interesting…
What are you creating today?