I find when I begin the next phase in a creative cycle or start to market for a new e-course there is that voice that shows up. Do you know that voice? The one that attempts to take you off your path? That voice that speaks to you in mean tones? The one that you wish would quiet down so that you can create?
I have come up against this voice many times. The voice is back these days as new challenges arise in my life. I am listening and seeing that the things the voice is saying now are different than they were years ago.
Let me explain. A few years back, I worked with a wonderful creativity coach. She invited me to “draw” the voice that was constantly chattering as I worked on new creative projects.
Below is a blog post from that session:
I took some time in my morning pages writing to get started on the exercise of drawing the gremlin/nasty voice from my head.
What I discovered, is that the initial drawings I created were images from my dreams. Those visions I saw after giving birth to my children that were scary, but fascinating. The more recent dreams I wrote about all had male figures, shape-shifters, disappearing and re-appearing images, black and white, shadows, angels/devils/gargoyles, half-formed creatures. These images, I have discovered, are actually here to help me somehow.
Even though these images were a bit frightening, they were not the “nasty” voice in my head.
So, I took more time to go into my mind and find that “nasty” voice. It took me a while to get there, as I was very resistant to write about that voice.
When I finally got to the vicious words and thoughts that I call “the nasty voice inside my head”, I wrote and wrote.
This is the voice that tells me I am not good enough, not worthy, not OK…blah, blah, blah. It is a SHE and very nasty. She has a forked tongue, fiery, sharp nails, beautiful (she believes), red-haired (not sure why), coifed, buggy-red bloodshot eyes…I have drawn her, colored her in, and enclosed her in an actual glass bottle and I have sealed the bottle with heavy foil…a rubber band and a lovely golden bow…and put her into the cupboard! So there!!!!
Stay in there!
I am now starting to see which are the helpful and cautious voices and which are the nasty voices.
[End of blog post]
Re-reading this past blog post is showing me that the “nasty voice” has changed. The image I created and placed in the bottle has quieted down. She is no longer distracting me with her words. Soon, I will take the old image of the nasty voice out of the bottle.
There is a new “nasty voice” that is in need of being heard and drawn. This one is slicker…more savvy. She knows to go right for the issues at hand: “No one wants what you have to offer. You are too old, face it! You need to go back to the reality of “playing small” and get over it.” Whew…she is a tough one…touching on my fears and I begin to listen…oh oh…Time to get out the markers!
Each time I grow and challenge myself creatively, a new “nasty voice” emerges. I believe this will occur each time I reach a new level of discovery. As difficult as it may be, I will begin to write the words I hear; those words that are attempting to distract me from my creative path. Then, I will replace the old image with the new image I create of the “nasty voice”. I will let you know how that goes!
For now, I am wondering if you have ever drawn the “nasty voice” from inside your head? Will you try that now?